


Cavin the Matchmaker

by AprilSR, Cavin856



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Minecraft (Video Game), Super Smash Brothers, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Hydraulic Press - Freeform, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AprilSR/pseuds/AprilSR, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cavin856/pseuds/Cavin856
Summary: Edit by April: Changed the temperature from 293K to 294K





	1. The End of the Story

Bweeeeeengh!!

Bweeeeeeeeeeeeengh!!!!

You wake up to the sound of your alarm clock. As you reach to hit snooze, you realize that you already did this three times and that class starts in five minutes. A visceral sense of dread hangs over you as you throw off the covers and collapse on the floor trying to reach your dresser. You reach up to the buffered analgesic to cure your hangover, and quickly throw on your clothes over top of your pajamas. Barrelling down the stairs, you decide to skip breakfast and rush directly out the door into your car. You floor the accelerator.

In the distance, a police car appears. You look at your accelerometer, and realize that you are doing 80 in a 15. You slam on the breaks and pull over. The cop strides out of his car, gun drawn, as you notice that you just ran over five children. You step out of the car with your hands raised, and then get shot.


	2. Mythological and Archetypal Approaches

"Hello contestants! And welcome to...

THE!

MOLE!"

You briefly consider whether you are in heaven or hell.

"Everyone here has been invited to participate in this game."  
A cartoon skeleton with one glowing blue eye and wearing a hoodie commented in the font Comic Sans that no one was invited, and in fact everyone had been kidnapped.  
"You all have very little in common. Some of you may know each other..."  
as the disembodied voice spoke that line, the skeleton took a glimpse towards a small child wearing a baseball cap.  
"... others do not. Some of you are speedrunners, others PVPers, some with many strengths, some with very few."

"So, what is The Mole?  
The Mole is a TV game show where you, the contestants, will be competing in a series of games over the next several days. If you manage to successfully complete the game, you will win money collected in a group pot. At the end of the game, one of you will win the group pot. Each day, one of you will be executed by The Mole, until just one person remains."  
"But who, you may ask, is The Mole? The mole is a double agent, planted by me, to sabotage your efforts in winning the pot while keeping their identity a secret. During the games, The Mole may try to make you lose, even very subtly. Your job is to find out... WHO IS THE MOLE?"

"At the end of each day, you will take a quiz on the identity of The Mole. The person who scores the lowest will be the one to be executed by The Mole.  
The game is simple: Win the games, and expose The Mole. I wish you all good luck."

 

"Now, to introduce our contestants."  
"We have Sans Undertale, a skeleton from the Underground;  
Cavin, the host of 'The Mole: Minecraft Marauder;'  
the Reader;  
SicksonFSJoe, the author of a paper about 'The Mole: Minecraft Marauder;'  
Madame Flurrie, famous for aiding Mario in his grand treasure hunt;  
Ness, an insignificant child from the town of Onett;  
Captain Falcon, a F-Zero speedrunner;  
and last but not least, The Announcer from Super Smash Brothers!"

 

"Today is reserved for you to all get to know each other. Please feel free to introduce yourselves to the refreshments."

 

"Refreshments? I ain't never said no to refreshments!"  
Captain Falcon, a notorious refreshment connoisseur, immediately stormed over to Flurrie and Falcon Punched her out of the way. He then drank the entire punch bowl in one swallow, including the actual bowl itself.  
"My my, that ain't a fine way to treat a lady, partner."  
Sans's eyes turned black as his masterful intellect inspected the chemical contents of the punch. The punch contained significant amounts of beryllium, the most toxic element in the second s orbital of the periodic table. He tried to step in, but Captain Falcon had already drank the entire bowl. Including the bowl. In one swallow. " **O h n o.** "

His life flashing before his eyes, Captain Falcon contemplated his actions as a good christian F-Zero speedrunner. He felt that he had lived a fairly good life, however he seriously regretted how much he objectified women. Objectifying women is one of the worst crimes you can commit, as it elongates the rule of the patriarchy. It also, evidently, can lead to a painful death by beryllium poisoning.

"Unfortunately, it appears that Captain Falcon has been poisoned by The Mole. In fact, this was never a day reserved for you all to get to know each other. This was the first game. The goal of this game was to realize that the punch was poisoned and prevent anyone from drinking it, as many of the participants managed to do soon after Captain Falcon collapsed on the ground. Thus, the team pot has been awarded a total of $0 out of a potential $100. That was the first execution. The Mole is beginning to act, so you all must expose him quickly so you can avoid his wrath!"  
"Why, I would absolutely love to expose The Mole ;)" remarked Flurrie suggestively with a wink.  
"It is currently 3:47 AM, as you might have been able to tell by looking at the gigantic digital clock on the wall behind me. I hope you all are able to get a good night's sleep, as we will be starting the first game at 7:00 sharp tomorrow. Unfortunately, we only have two beds that all seven of you will have to share. There are straws of varying lengths inside a cup on the refreshments table, in case you would like to draw straws to determine who gets to sleep on the bed with three people and who gets to sleep on the bed with four people. Also, we will execute anyone who sleeps on the floor."

"LUCKILY FOR ME, I DO NOT HAVE A BODY! THEREFORE I CAN EASILY FIT INSIDE...  
THIS OVEN!" the Announcer announced, as he went to sleep inside the oven.  
You look over at the drinking straws collected in a jar.  
"Should we-"  
Sans was already sleeping on the right bed.  
Everyone else immediately piled on in this order:  
Flurrie, Matthew, and Ness got onto the left bed.  
Cavin got onto the right bed.  
You decide to flip a coin, which landed heads. You get into the left bed.

Everybody awkwardly said good night to each other, as everyone attempted to fit some sleep into the three hours before the second game. No one was successful, due more to the fact that Sans was snoring with the volume of a fleet of jet engines than the uncomfortable sleeping arrangement. Despite this, you manage to pass out from the lack of air in the crowded bed at around 6:50 AM.


	3. Mystery of the Coconut Cream Pie and also what Sans Wore on his Last Date in New Mexico

As the air horn rang throughout the breeze emanating from certain third party malware companies postponing the inevitability of the end the world came to a close, you opened your groggy eyes to the sight of yet another banquet feast. Fortunately, this one was adorned by a conveniently hand painted sign reading "not poisoned" sticking out of a banana cream pie.

As you stood to your feet, fairly quickly I might add, you noticed that Ness was already up.

"Hey" you ask, "you were up fast."  
Ness responds with a soft voice "Well uh well, uh... I couldn't... sleep very solidly." He seems nervous about something, but you choose to ignore it over the bigger issue of your massive hangover.

You stop and think for a moment about how you have a hangover, but decide not to question it. You also don't question about Ness got up before you despite you falling asleep only 10 minutes ago. And while you're at it, you also don't question how Sans reads this monologue as he so very clearly does when he states that he "stopped questioning temporal paradoxes a while ago", in a few moments.

"i stopped questioning temporal paradoxes a while ago," states Sans, having apparently just gotten up. He seems rather refreshed and well slept. With a short "i slept better than a dead guy", he starts to examine the elephant in the room, which seems to have materialized within the past few minutes too. The elephant also happens to wake everyone else up.

"My oh my, what a mighty fine specimen of a creature there, honey," flirts Flurrie at the elephant. You question her taste in men. Cavin looks at the elephant with a brief "Oh", but seems more interested in the food.

Matthew, who apparently exists sometimes, walks over to the oven and turns it on for absolutely no reason at all.

"THAT'S OVER 2600 DEGREES CELSIUS!" screams The Announcer, jumping out of the oven as it disintegrates itself due to being 2600 degrees hot. Matthew receives mild first degree burns.

As all the players congregate around the room, they start to discuss what's going on.

"It appears that we may be stuck here for quite a while" states Matthew, "but it's possible that this could, ummm, yeah it's possible we could escape this alive. If we develop the right gameplan..."  
You decide to voice your opinion on the matter, "We don't even know what's going on, let alone how much danger we're in to make any sort of plan."  
The rest of the group murmurs in agreement before Flurrie completely interrupts everyone with a very out of context "My my! You can suck and blow almost as good as me sweetheart!" She was of course, referring the elephant sitting quietly in the middle of the room, giving itself a bath using the small duck pond in the corner that nobody noticed until this very moment. Water splashes onto everything and everyone, including the coconut cream pie.

"NOT THE PIE!" Wails Cavin, heavily depressed over the loss of his beloved coconut cream pie. Sans, however, strolls over, picks up a piece, and states "it's bonely a little water".

"STOOOOOOOOOP!" Screams Cavin, tackling Sans to the ground, or at least trying to. Before he can get close, Sans' eye flashes blue and Cavin starts floating for a moment, only to be stood back up. He doesn't seems phased.  
"Don't eat ANYTHING! Did you forget what happened to Captain Falcon last night!?" Cavin says, expelling the words from his esophagus in the most strenuous way possible for him, leaving him gasping for breath like a magikarp using splash.  
"But there's this sign saying that it's not poisoned," you point out. Cavin, however, is quick to reply, "But can we trust the sign? And if we can, how much so?". His words puzzle you, but Matthew speaks up saying "I think I understand what he's getting at here. He's saying that if the food isn't poisoned, but are we sure it's all the food?" As he says this, he grabs the soggy coconut cream pie from Sans' left carpal and tosses it at the elephant, apparently finished with its bath. The elephant, in turn, eats the slice of pie. Nothing happens.

"See? Nothing wrong with the pie," you say, but Cavin cuts you off. "Wait for it!" he says, so you do. Nothing happens.  
"...like I said, nothing wrong with the pie...?" you say, starting to question their sanity. And their sanitary. Again, however, Cavin cuts you off. "So now we know that the pie is in fact, safe. However, is all the food safe?" He picks up a grape from another plate of food and tosses it at the elephant which also eats it. The elephant lets out a loud scream, which because he's an elephant, sounds like the worst trumpet solo you've ever heard. Afterwards, the elephant dies, and it's corpse conveniently evaporates.

"WOW! INCREDIBLE!" Shouts The Announcer at the spectacle. Flurrie, however, is significantly less amused. "Why I do declare, that was sadder than the last time I heard Despacito!"

"So you see," Cavin continues, completely ignoring the ruckus of the rest of the room, "only the coconut cream pie that had the sign sticking out of it is safe to eat, and the rest of the food is poisoned!"

Ness, along with the rest of the room, just stares at Cavin questioningly, "...what?".

You start to complain, "So the only food we can eat is this soggy coconut cream pie?". Cavin just nods, and hands each of the 7 remaining pieces to the other 7 players, with The Announcers' piece falling through his hands and landing on the floor with a wet splat sound.

"like I said, it's bonely a little water", quips Sans again.

As the rest of the group eats their soggy elephant flavored coconut cream pie, the Host glides into the room from the depths of the supply closet.

"Hello players! I see you've passed the night in good health!" He says, wearing a large top hat over his face. Cavin, however, starts to shout "Good health!? You tried to poison us again!" The host starts to laugh, but not an evil laugh. "Poison you? Why would I repeat the same thing as before? That's just boring!" He walks up to the bowl of grapes that Cavin used to feed the elephant and eats one, then he continues his monologue. "You see, nothing on this table is poisoned, but rather, elephants are extremely allergic to grapes. That is why the elephant died. Yes Cavin, you murdered an innocent elephant. You monster."

At this, Cavin grins sheepishly as everyone else just glares, now armed with the knowledge that they didn't have to eat soggy elephant flavored coconut cream pie for breakfast.

The host continues, "With that out of the way, the time has arisen for me to explain your situation more clearly. Over the next week, one by one you will be executed. One of you is The Mole. Etc etc. I believe you know that part. You are, however, not confined to this simple room for the duration of your visit. If you had noticed the Duck Pong earlier, you'd have seen the hallway underneath it, leading to the rest of the facility. If everyone would kindly make your way there, we'll reconvene inside the lounge." And with that, The Host walks into the duck pond, as if the water didn't exist. It did, however.

"Well, I don't reckon we have much of a choice now dearies," says flurrie as she dives into the pond. However, being a wind spirit, her body absorbed the majority of the pond, including the ducks, leaving it fairly dry for the rest of our players. They took this opportunity to make their way into the hallway below it.

The hallway in question was littered with half a dozen doors on either side. At the end of the hallway stood The Host. He continued his monologue.

"As you can see, there are many doors that lead to many rooms. These rooms will be open for your convenience and exploration leisure. The lounge here is where you can spend the rest of your free time until the challenges take place. I'm sure that the many interesting features that I don't have time to explain will keep the boredom at bay." As The Host pauses for a breath, Ness interrupts and asks "uh, excuse me but... which door is the erm, washroom?" The host flashes a smile on his face for a single frame before returning to his neutral expression, not that you could see anyway as there was a top hat covering it. "Third door on the left". Ness quickly waddles his way over there.

The host continues, "er, as I was saying, feel free to explore the rest of the facility, and the first challenge will commence in 3 hours." At this, The Host disappears in a puff of smoke, causing the players to cough slightly.

The players wonder for a moment about what to do next, but before anyone can come up with any ideas, the chapter ended.


	4. Ness Gets His Crunk On

The various participants lounged about the lounge room, given that they had very little else to do. You start fiddling through the bookshelf, when Ness screams "mousetrap" while excitedly pulling the board game mousetrap out of the board-game-containing drawer. Shrugging, you decide to join Ness, Sans, and Cavin in their epic venture into the glory that is the board game of Mouse Trap. You pick up the blue mouse character.

"Hey! Blue is _my_ favorite color!" shouts everyone else playing the game simultaneously. Since you are extremely passionate about your color choice, you decide to engage your lowly Mouse Trap opponents in a debate as to who deserves the blue mouse.

"But I chose this one first!"  
"But I have blue shorts!"  
"But my eye is blue!"  
"But I'ms the co-author!"  
everyone complained in turn.

It is independent of ZFG who threw the first punch, but the argument broke out into a full argument about who should get the blue mouse. Everyone was severely hurt, except Sans who fell asleep at the start and therefore won by default due to being the only person capable of picking up the blue mouse at the end. Everyone else limped over to the box and grabbed a random mouse. No one really knew the rules of the game, so they all started attempting to play it from memory.

"Okay, does everyone have their d20s?" Ness asked.  
"No, but I have an ace of spades," Cavin responded.  
"Aha! You have activated my trap card!" you reply. "I summon thee, Pot of Greed!"  
You draw two cards out of the discard pile, one being an ace of fours and the other being a d6.  
"I have a d6, is that good enough?"  
"Yes, but only if you have the old maid."  
Since you did, in fact, have the old maid, Sans rolled his d20.  
He rolled a natural one, a critical failure.  
"Strike three! You're out!" Ness exclaimed passionately.  
"aw, that sucks. i didn't want tibia winner anyways, but I would have liked to make it to round three at least."  
It is Cavin's turn. He rolls his ace of spades and gets an S. "Hurry hard!" he screams.  
You roll a four on your die, and look at the game board to see where the four is. You pick up three pieces of wood, and land on Boardwalk.  
"I can now craft a city. I would like to place it next to Boardwalk," you explain to your fellow conspirators.  
"objection! i wanna buy a consonant, i think i got this word."  
Ness quickly put on a dress and performed his best Vanna White impression.   
"_UCK _E _N THE A__ TON_GHT" was on the board.  
"i'd like an m"  
Ness placed the m on the board next to the e.  
"Anyone else have a letter?" asked Ness.  
"Uh... uh... uh... G!" Cavin shouts enthusiastically after three seconds of detailed thought.  
"Cavin, we already used that letter," you complain.  
"WRONG!" Ness exclaims as he draws the hanged man's left leg.  
Meanwhile, Sans starts to instruct his forces in South Africa to attack Zimbabwe, where you have a city and a boardwalk.  
"Oh no, you don't!" you say, replying to his attack by throwing a blue shell. Since Sans has the blue mouse, it attacks him.  
Suddenly, Simon Belmont falls out of a nearby portal.  
"Simon Says, left leg on green!"  
Everyone quickly moved their left leg onto the nearest green object, which unfortunately resulted in Ness's game piece being crushed.  
Sans said "uh-oh, that looks terminal. we might have to remove his funny bone."  
Ness objects, "But the funny bone's connected to the radius!"  
"The radius is about two meters in diameter!" Cavin speaks.  
"that's a lot of pie we'll have to go through," Sans jokes.  
"There's more pie???" Cavin asked, excitedly wishing to embark in the consumption of even more soggy elephant coconut pie.  
Unfortunately, no one else wished to embark in the consumption of even more soggy elephant coconut pie.  
And thus, the game of mouse trap came to an end.

...

Matthew walked into the room.  
"Hey, I heard you guys were playing mouse trap!" he says, holding up a dead mouse impaled by a glass jar.


	5. The Great Deflation

As the game of Mouse Tarp (correct spelling) came to a close due to the dead body bleeding all over the table, Cavin decided to have the audacity to state verbally words which when conjugated and accurately parsed can be interpreted as a rhetorical query to interject the previous pleasantries with the physical distortions of matter which when reverberated in the human ear are commonly accepted as "speech".

"So, should we um, talk about ourselves, or something?" He asked to everyone in particular. Matthew concurred with that, saying "I guess if we're stuck in this together we should learn who each other are some more."  
"So, who wants to go first?" asked Ness, timidly.

...  
...  
Nobody responded

"well, uh, I guess i'll go first", said Sans, "my name is sans, i'm a skeleton. uh, anything else?"  
Matthew responded.  
"well i dunno, i was just sleeping. woke up here with the morning" Sans said with a wink.  
Moved by Sans' courage, you decide to share your story next.  
"Last I recall I was driving down on the way to school. The cops were chasing me, although I can't seem to recall why." you say. "There was this light and then I crashed the car and now I'm here."  
"Now that's interesting," Matthew says, "because you see..." Cavin, however, interrupts him.  
"Well I'm the author so I mean. Infer the rest yourself" he says looking around. His eyes look onto Sans, and then yours.  
You notice Flurries silence, so you ask what her story is.  
"Well honey, let me tell you my story. It started 5 years ago when I was a strapping young lady..." she begins, but before she can continue, you hear the booming voice of THE ANNOUNCER.  
"IT IS I! THE ANNOUNCER! I WAS IN THE STUDIO AND SUDDENLY KO'D!" You decide to not press his story any further.  
Looking at the rest of the players you realize the only person yet to give their story is Ness, so you ask him.  
"Um... the last thing I remember was being run over by a car..." as Ness trails off you suddenly remember seeing a boy looking like him crushed under the wheels of your car shortly before blacking out.  
As a guilty frowns spreads across you can't help but notice Sans staring at you, eye glowing blue.  
"hey that's not cool," he says, "I hope that kid who ran you over burns in hell".

"AND SPEAKING OF HELL, WELCOME TO YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE!" Screams the host, emerging out of your left pocket.  
"Where in the hell did you come from!?" you shouts, stumbling backwards.  
"FROM HERE IN HELL!" the host replies, before the walls suddenly ignite on fire increase the temperature of the room to 294K. "Your first challenge is to escape this burning facility alive. For everyone who escape, 1000 yen will be added to the pot. For everyone who doesn't escape, that's one less episode we have to do." With that, he proceeded to evaporate into the atmosphere.

"AS I DO NOT HAVE A BODY, THIS FIRE CANNOT HARM ME!" Screamed the announcer.  
"Well, I don't see this being much of a problem..." said flurrie, and before blushing, soaked the room in a hurricane of water that she absorbed 2 chapters earlier from the duck pond.  
Everything became wet. Including Ness' pants.  
"OH!" Exclaimed Matthew, clearly disturbed by the sequence of events that occurred.  
Fortunately for the players, the fire burned down the fireplace that it was allegedly contained in, revealing a secret path to a garden, which was also burned down because it was behind a fireplace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit by April: Changed the temperature from 293K to 294K


	6. The Case of the Gelatinous Blob

As the protagonists of our story traversed through the hidden passage behind the convenient fireplace that popped into existence at the end of the last chapter, they noticed that the Host was waiting for them. As they sat down on the scorched benches surrounding the burnt garden, he started speaking.

"I see you've passed my little test," he says, "however now the real first challenge will begin."

"Hold the phone here! What about the other things!? That buffet where Captain Flareon died, and that thing where we almost burned alive!? Didn't you call those the first challenge!? We can't even trust you!" Cavin screamed, upset. You question why he called the late Captain Falcon 'Captain Flareon', but you decided to not press the matter further as the host replied to his distress.

"Ah yes well, this one is the real first challenge, for you see, it's worth money. This is The Mole, remember. One of you remaining players is in fact, The Mole. Do not forget this. So without further ado, let's talk about the challenge." With that, he gestured to a large chest near the back of the garden. "As you can see, there is a large chest over there. Behind the mannequins chest, is a large treasure chest filled with items that you'll need for the upcoming challenge. Each of you will choose one and only one item to aid you. You will need to use these items to traverse a large obstacle course located behind that door over there," as the host says this, he points towards a door which may have existed before now, but which you haven't noticed until now. "I'll explain more when you've selected your items."

"Wait, so hold on a moment," Matthew interjected immediately, "We're just supposed to pick items without knowing what they are used for at all?" The host merely responded "Correct."

"Well now, that does settle it I do say!" exclaimed Flurrie, floating towards the chest, attempting to flirt with it. 

"Uh... Flurrie," you try to get her attention, but she's completely distracted by the mannequin's chest, so you walk over to the treasure chest and open it. A boxing glove emerged, punching you in the face. It hurts.

"What the f-" "HEY! NO CURSING ON MY FAMILY FRIENDLY GAME SHOW!"

Ness walks over, and after seeing what happens, starts giggling. Everyone else walks up to the treasure chest too.

"looks like you weren't in the nose!" cracked Sans, to which nobody laughed, or probably even understood.

Cavin walked up to the treasure chest and starting digging through it muttering to himself, "golf club... baseball bat... miniature trampoline... portable flamethrower... OOOH!" Cavin shouts with glee as he pulls out a mint condition coconut cream pie, complete with whipped cream. Pulling a spoon from his... actually, you don't know where he pulled that spoon out from, but suddenly Cavin was holding a spoon and eating the coconut cream pie, sitting on the ground i the corner, a smile on his face.

Deciding that you should take something too, you look around, and eventually decide on a collapsible rope ladder, something that discern could be very useful. As you take a step back, the other players form a mob around the treasure chest, taking the following items:

Matthew: A chess board complete with chess pieces.  
Ness: The baseball bat  
THE ANNOUNCER: A megaphone  
Sans: The boxing glove that punched you in the face  
Flurrie meanwhile, decides to take the mannequin along with her.

As the players with their items head towards the door leading to the obstacle course, Cavin (who finished his delicious coconut cream pie topped with whipped cream) gets up, grabs the portable flamethrower, and joins the others.

As the players entered the mysterious door (it was very mysterious), it closed and locked behind them. In front of them lay an elaborate obstacle course filled with medieval traps. Flurrie was too focused on the mannequin to notice the traps, however.

The disembodied voice of The Host rang out saying "AND THE CHALLENGE STARTS NOW! For every person who makes it to the other end of the course, 1000 rubles will be earned."

The players stood on a platform surrounded by an unusual green liquid on both sides. Behind them was a wall where the door once stood. In front of them was a metal footbridge made of wood.

"This looks fragile," Cavin said, "we should probably only go one at a time." Matthew nodded in agreement. Cavin, taking the initiative, went first. As he crossed, the bridge shook, step after every quivering step. He swallowed hard and looked back, fear smothering his face, yet determined to persevere, he was halfway across. His gait faltered for a moment, but he pressed on. He took a step, then one more. He could see the goal in sight, the reward for his endurance was near. As he took his final step on the bridge, touching down onto the platform at the end of the bridge, be breathed an audible sigh of relief. The daunting bridge was no behind him, the trial now past. He pondered the lessons he'd learned, the outcomes that he'd avoided. He couldn't help but look back, however, on the friends he'd lost along the way. That tragedies that befell them all... He'd continue on, in their name, in their honor... He would avenge them, he had to. The scars he'd gathered on his journey would last the rest of his life.

"Dude, it's just a bridge!" Said Matthew, face palming.

With his flare for theatrics sated, Cavin turned and smiled. The rest of the players crossed the bridge with absolute ease.

Ahead lay a tall wall, one that stretched about as long as the rope ladder that you grabbed. You know this, because you gave it to Flurrie who flew to the top of the wall and stretched the ladder down for everyone to climb.

"The players are doing well," The Mole thought, "too well".

Unfortunately for our players, that's when the game started to take an unexpected turn.

"hey, you guys hear something funny bone?" asked Sans  
"When you say funny bone, what precisely do you mean?" Asked Matthew., but before he could get a response, an ear chilling scream pieced the air.

"I do declare, what in my grandfather's left knuckle was that!?"  
"it sounded like a bone chilling scream"  
"Ah, but you see, whose scream was it?"  
"IT WAS NOT ME, THE ANNOUNCER!"  
"Uh, Guys! I just did a, um, headcount and Ness is missing!"  
"what!? ness? what could..."  
"LOOK! WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE!?"  
"What in the land of pokeys marmalade is that!?"  
"Guys! Guys! Just stay calm!"  
"IT'S GOT NESS! LOOK! HE'S LIKE, RIGHT THERE! You can almost see... oh god! It's getting close! RUN!!!!"

You decide to not talk during this exchange, less because you're running from some giant monster that apparently has Ness, and moreso the fact that it would be rather difficult for you to differentiate your own voice from everyone else's in the above passage in which nobody's lines were explicitly stated to be from a particular person.

Now, the beast in question was basically just a gigantic slime monster that covered the entire *insert cardinal direction here* end of the room. Ness was being held captive, floating around, mouth aghast, in the semi solidified jelly-esque body of the being.

"We've got to do something! We can't just leave Ness trapped in there!" You shout, running out of breath.  
"Let's be logical here! It's a giant jelly thing! You go fight it and you'll end up just like Ness," pointed out the ever so logical Matthew.  
"Not necessarily! HAHAHAHA!!!" Screamed Cavin, unleashing his inner pyromaniac on the gelatinous abomination using his portable flamethrower. The beast was nphased however, and, creating a tendril of goo, snatched Cavin up, trapping him within.

"THAT'S NOT OK!" Shouted the announcer, the other players ranging from horrified to disgusted.  
Sans remained fairly emotionless, however. "we should keep moving," he said, moving. The other players followed suit.

Their escape was meant with an abrupt end when came across an extremely steep snowy slope.  
"There's no way down!" You shout, looking back at the ever growing mire giving chase.  
"Does ANYONE have any ideas?" Matthew asks, "I have one myself, but it's not any good."  
Flurrie responded, "Well in case you've forgotten dearie, we don't have time to wait!"  
"she's right, any idea is a good one" came Sans. With that, Matthew pulled out his chess board and put it on the ground. "Everyone hop on!"  
"What!? You can't be serious!" you yell, but with time running out, everyone hops onto the chess board.  
"BUNGALOW!" screams THE ANNOUNCER for some reason, and then everyone goes flying downhill.

Snow flying in their faces, ice pellets flying, people crammed together in a tighter situation than the sleeping situation from chapter 2, the players hit a bump and suddenly go flying.

"THIS ISN'T GOOD!" You shout, trying to be heard over the howling wind (the wind existing due to the high velocity that you're moving at). Although the reason you weren't heard is moreso because of Flurrie screaming her lungs out (and she's all lung) in your left ear.

As the ground grows larger, closer, it looms, then suddenly

White

You see white

Your entire vision is filled with white

"Congra...lio- ers on...leting... alle..." You hear some muffled words, but can't make out what it says.

You feel hands on your feet, your ankles, then suddenly a POP and your head pops out of the snow.

"AHEM, as I was saying," The Host says, "Congratulations on beating the first challenge! As 5 of you survived to the end, You, Matthew, THE ANNONUCER, Flurrie, and Sans, that's 5000 rubles you've earned for the group pot, approximately $74.95 US Dollars!" 

Despite The Host's enthusiasm, however, the players faces bore no smile.  
Matthew had the courage to speak up, "What... about Ness and Cavin...? Are they..."

The Host merely smiled, "Ahaha no, they're fine. Mostly." And with that, two figures wrapped in towels walked out of a nearby door.

"Ugh... so how'd you guys do?" said Cavin, shivering inside of his towel, hair soaking wet. They got strange looks from the rest of the players. "So... why are you soaking wet?" you decide to throw the around the elephant in the room.

Cavin hesitated for a bit, then answered, "Uh...well... the slime monster was slimy... we needed showers...", as he said this, he exchanged a brief glimpse with Ness, and you could have sworn his face turned red for a moment. Your attention was promptly drawn back to The Host, who started talking again.

"So, five of you survived to the end, that IS 5000 rubles, however, one of you cheated."  
As The Host said these words, Flurrie audibly gasped. "Who's the no good stagehand who did such a thing!?"

The Host continued, "Cavin, you took two items from the Treasure Chest at the start, despite me saying that only one item was allowed." Cavin immediately objected, "Excuse me!? I did no such thing! I took the portable flamethrower!" He was quickly shut down by The Host, however, "You did take the portable flamethrower, but you also took the Coconut Cream Pie and ate it before the challenge started. I expressly stated that you may only take one item from the chest and you took two. It doesn't matter that you took it before entering the obstacle course, you still took two items, and thus, I must fine the team pot for 1000 of the 5000 rubles. This brings the pot to approximately $60 US dollars. That is all. You may lounge in the lounge up ahead, the next challenge is tomorrow." With that, The Host vanished into the chess board.

"Well, I guess we'll go inside then," said Matthew, as the players did just so, wondering what else lies in store for them in the future of, The Mole.


	7. There once was a man from Onett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who had much fun writing a sonnet

In the lounge with much time to spend  
Before their long break will end,  
What else is there to do,  
but this challenge that's new:  
writing limericks with our friends and Cavin.

"Fuck, how many words do they start with?"  
Asked Ness, trying to start forthwith  
"it's measured in syllables"  
replied Sans, full of squirrels.  
"But how many are there, therewith?"

"two lines in anapaest trimeter  
then two in anapaest dimeter"  
but at this great buffet  
make sure you don't write a sonnet  
for those are iambic pentameter"

"Did you just rhyme ⟨buffet⟩ with ⟨sonnet⟩?  
That only works if you say it /səˈfeɪ/"  
said Ness grabbing an onion  
but replied Sans the Skeleton:  
"or if you say buffet /bəˈfɪt/."

In this way the contestants continued  
Limericks are an art of exactitude  
But excluded from ranking  
were those the correct format faking  
for they only had fake verisimilitude.

I'm tired of writing in limericks  
it is as hard as a bag of dicks  
I give up  
See you next chapter  
Where we'll be talking about microeconomics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at the end of the day,  
> he had gone the wrong way.  
> Only limericks allowed in that buffet.


	8. The Ubiquity of Micro Economics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note, I didn't actually fall into a coma in real life.

Cavin awoke from his coma 3 months after this fanfic was last updated. As he opened his eyes, he felt something slide off of his legs. This something, was of course, some playing cards (specifically the ace of diamonds and it's 4 cohorts). He heard voices nearby.

"Hey, what's the big idea over here? We're playing cards!" Complaining Ness, picking up his royal flush off the floor.  
Matthew simply responded with "I fold," as he tried to look as if he wasn't looking at Ness' cards.

Cavin then heard the booming voices of Flurrie and THE ANNOUNCER, "My my, has our sweet little Cavin finally awoke?" (I'll let you guess which one said that).  
You take a step back for Cavin to stand up as he brushes the rest of the cards off of him. "So, why exactly was I covered with cards?" he asked.

"Oh, well you fell into a coma 3 months ago so we used you as a coffee table." responded Matthew. Cavin looked at him questioningly.

"So, how'd the game go anyway? I don't see anyone missing", he asked.  
You decide to respond to this query, "Well, ever since you fell into a coma, The Host kind of just vanished, so we've been training up to take the poker world in the meantime."

Cavin looks at you as if you have two heads. And you might.

"well what else could we do" asks sans

"Well, uh, get a doctor!?" Screams Cavin knowing very well that obtaining a doctor is impossible ever since the great earbrow scam of '23.

Ness suddenly jumps up, hits his head on the wall, jumps up again more carefully, and shouts "Ooh! We also ate chips!"

Before Cavin can look at ness like he has three heads, The Host suddenly peels himself off of Ness' king of diamonds and inflates.

"Welcome back to The Mole!" He shouts, "Since we last left off, Cavin had fallen into a coma and was used as a coffee table. This was quite the problem for us and our players! Mainly us!"

"as he suddenly appeared off the playing card, everyone except sans gasped in shock, narrated sans," narrated sans

"Where did you come from!?" You shout, suddenly inexplicably angry,

"Why, that playing card!" Responds The Host, causing you to get inexplicably angry, again.

"THATS NOT THE POINT OF THE QUESTION!" SHOUTS THE ANNOUNCER

"Dearie, I do say that I believe the point of the question was asking where ya'll been the past 3 months," says Flurrie.

In response to these questions, The Host comes up with an extremely complicated algebraic equation which both confuses you, doesn't answer the question, and is too large to fit in this fanfic.

"With that out of the way, shall we get back to the actual gameshow?" asks Cavin, but before The Host can respond, Matthew interjects, "Hold on! If you carry the integral to the denominator over there..." he says, closely analyzed The Hosts equation. Shortly thereafter the two get into a long and complicated discussion which somehow involves calculus, matrices, quantum physics, and the digestive biology of south american anteaters.

While they having this conversation, you bring Cavin up to speed on the exact specifics of what happened during his absence. Collectively, you decide to try and find a way out of wherever you currently are.  
Upon further investigation, you decide that the front door is a good place to start, so you open the door, and find behind it, another door.

"oh no, here we go again" mumbles sans

Taking a deep breath, you open the second door, only to find a brick wall. "Well, so much for that," says Ness.

"Now now, dearies," says Flurrie, "a little brick wall ain't goin' to stop dear Flurrie." With that, Flurrie started to try and blow the brick wall down. You all stand behind her awkwardly as nothing happens. Not-so suddenly, Matthew walks up behind them and says "Well if you're trying to do that, then I've got a faster idea," as he takes a package of bacon from the nearby freezer and starts cooking it. The bacon has just finished cooking when suddenly, you hear the sound of the brick wall falling down. You all look over to see what was behind the brick wall. Standing there, bricks at his feet, stood The Host, clipboard in hand.

"Welcome to your next challenge!" He screams, "For this challenge, you will be separated into groups based on your internet viewing preferences. Once divided, you'll each have a task to perform. The issue, however, is there will be various obstacles in between you and completion of that task. Work together as a group and between groups to solve all of the tasks, and win 15000 Krona for the team pot!"

You attempt to ask what kind of internet preferences, but before you can, The Host continues: "The groups are: Cavin, Ness, and Sans; Matthew and THE ANNOUNCER; and Flurrie and you," at the end of his statement, he points at you. Before you can protest, the floor suddenly drops out from below everyone and you all fall into three separate rooms, somehow divided according to the groups listed by The Host.

You look around the room that you and Flurrie fell into. The first thing you notice is that it's absolutely freezing. You appear to be in some sort of floating iseland (an ice island). Ahead if you is a large safe. You also notice a waterfall in the corner of the room. You try to talk over to examine the safe, but stub your town on something. Looking down, you see a walkie-talkie, frozen in ice. You hear voices coming from the other end.

"...nyone here?" comes a voice from the radio. You respond accordingly. "Ah! It's Matthew here, I'm just looking at my room, and it looks like we have several objects that you guys presumably need. We have uh, a hair dryer, a rope ladder, an industrial oil barrel... what the.." You hear the sound of the radio hitting the ground, and what might have been a monkey in the background. Several moments later, Matthew's voice returns, "ok, we no longer have an industrial oil barrel. So what's in your room?". You respond with a brief "ice", before going into more elaborate detail. "So it looks like if you knew the combination to the safe... hmm... hold on, I'm getting a call from Cavin in his group." With that, Matthew hung up on you on his walkie talkie.

Before you can look around again, you hear Flurrie calling for you. You walk over to her, still shivering from the cold temperatures. Flurrie found a Canadian quarter on the ice, surprisingly not frozen. You put the coin in your pocket and continue to look around the island when suddenly your feet scream in pain. Jumping away and looking down, you notice that you stepped in a puddle of ice-cold water on the ground. As if things couldn't get worse, you hear Flurrie gasp behind you. You look at the Flurries' newest descovery only for your blood to run cold...er.

Turns out, the water surrounding the island, was rising.


	9. A Combination of the Board of Education and Failing

You stand there for a moment in shock at the discovery that the water is rising. Trying to evaluate how much time you have left, you notice the giant digital clock on the ceiling of the room. You have forty five minutes left to complete the challenge. The two of you begin to discuss what the next order of business is.

"Well I'll be. I never did expect that the beautiful lady that is moi would be subjected to such abject terror. My vote is to run to the high ground and try to wait it out."  
"Moving to an area that's a little higher makes sense, but we shouldn't just run to the top of the waterfall. If the safe goes under water we're probably screwed. Plus, we really need to find a way to get this walkie-talkie to bring it with us."  
  
Flurrie, although she sees your logic, does not want to be involved in anything unladylike so she runs off to wobble up the waterfall. This leaves you, to try to find a way to dislodge the bit of ice the walkie-talkie is in. That hair-dryer sure would be nice, but you do not have this luxury right now. Eventually, you stumble upon a rock that you decide would be sufficient. You start ramming the ice with the rock, and eventually it starts to crack a tiny bit. With one final oomph of effort, you get the walkie-talkie and head back off towards the safe, but not before attempting to skip the rock in the water that was still like twenty feet below you.

After spending a good five minutes sitting next to the safe and yelling at Flurrie to come down from the waterfall and do something productive, you get a call from Cavin.

"Hey! We need oil. We will not be able to complete our cooking without it."  
"Cooking? we're in the middle of a floating iseland with raising water! I don't think your cooking is particularly urgent!"  
"Trust me, it is," replied Cavin.  
"Well, Matthew mentioned earlier that he had an industrial oil barrel at some point. I'll get back to you if I see any, I guess."  
You decide to add, "Just keep in mind we have a time limit - it's thirty nine minutes now - and let me know if you find a code for this safe."  
"Will do."

As soon as you disconnect from the call with Cavin, a gigantic ape flies through the wall of your room on a vine and lands on the iseland. It is carrying an industrial oil barrel.

"Aha!" you remark, as you make your way towards the ape in order to conduct ritual bargaining.

The ape looks at you strangely. "There is nothing that I would trade the love of my life, this industrial oil barrel, for."  
"Really," you ask, "nothing?"  
"Well, perhaps there may be one thing..."

"Ever since I was a child,  
with my whole mind running wild  
I have had just one hope, which has carried on.

I wished that I could learn to dance!  
Just to run around and prance!  
This is my only dream, the only thing I need.

But it is really funky  
Living life as a monkey...  
In this world, there is no chance  
That an ape could learn to dance."

Flurrie had slowly and cautiously made her way down the waterfall as the ape rapped his beautiful song.

"I... I know how to dance," she said. The monkey's eyes lit up like ten thousand lightning bugs were giving him ten thousand lightning hugs as they tried to teach him how to dance. 

"Will... will you teach me?" 

Realizing that they would likely need music to dance to, you call Cavin on the walkie-talkie.  
"I think I might be able to get you the industrial oil barrel, but I'll need some help. Do you happen to have any way to play some music?"  
"Well, in fact," Cavin responded, "I always carry an MP3 player on me. What genre would you like?"

You look over at the monkey questioningly.  
"Hop, please."  
You tell Cavin to start playing hop.

Flurrie makes the first move. She grabs the monkey by the ankle and turns around in a circle three times. The ape repeats this pattern, and replicates it perfectly. The studio audience rates it a ten out of ten. Flurrie continues to teach him increasingly beautiful dance moves, before culminating in the dab.  
"This dance move... the 'dab'... it is what inspired me to learn how to dance. When I first saw it, I knew I would have to know how to perform it myself. That is why I have dedicated my life to finding a dance instructor. Thank you, Flurrie, for you have given meaning to my life. I don't know how to repay you."  
"With the barrel, please," you tell the monkey.  
"Oh yeah, sure, I guess I can do that."

The ape gives you the industrial oil barrel, thanks Flurrie again, and heads off. Flurrie is already at the top of the waterfall again, appearing to be reevaluating her life after this magical experience.

 

You receive a call from Matthew on the walkie-talkie.  
"Hello! I have discovered a way to transport items between the three rooms. Or at least, how to move items from where you are to where we are. I haven't figured out how to get anything to you yet. You see, if you look over the side of your iseland, there's two little shoots. If you drop the barrel into the northern one - that is, the one on the right, from your perspective - then it'll go to where Cavin is."  
"Sweet! Thanks for the help," you reply.  
"No problem."

With thirty minutes left on the timer, Cavin receives the barrel. He had the rest of the ingredients prepared, so he quickly mixes in two teaspoons of oil and shoves the brownies in the oven. Twenty to twenty-five minutes later, they are completed.

"Hey, the host! Where are you?" shouted Cavin.  
"What, is something wrong? I'm trying to take a nap!" they said in reply.  
"Want a brownie? They even still wobble slightly in the middle!"  
"Oh boy... brownies  _are_ my favorite... I'll take one!"  
"Nope!" shounted Cavin, "I'll only give it to you if you tell me what the safe combination is."  
"What! You can't do that. It's against the rules," replied the host.  
"I'm doing it anyway!"  
"Ugh, fine. It's 12345."

Hearing the conversation through the walkie-talkie, you quickly input the number into the safe. Lo and behold, it opens.

Inside, there is a single red button, and nothing else.


	10. Pondering of Despondency

You pick up the button from inside of the safe. You do this carefully, as the water is already halfway up the safe. With only 5 minutes left before you start to die of hypothermia, you scream at Matthew through the radio. "I HAVE A BUTTON! NOW WHAT!?".

Matthew responds, "Ok, now here comes the hard part. I've worked out where we are in relation to you, we're directly above you. Just hold your button as high up in the air as possible, and I'll try and grab it by reaching through this hole in the floor over here." With that, you see an arm poke out of the ceiling. Try as you might, however, it's just too high up.

"I can't reach! I've have to throw the button! Get ready to grab!" You shout, and, hoping for the best, you throw the button as high as possible... but it misses his hand entirely and falls into the water. Your face turns pale.

"Matthew, we have a problem, I missed." you say, horrified at the increasing likelihood of a slow and painful death of hypothermia in the depths of the rising water level. At this point, the water is about 1 foot below the roof of the safe, where you and Flurrie are perched (Flurrie had to retreat after the waterfall started to thaw).

With no choice left, you jump into the water to retrieve the button and immediately regret it. The shock of the cold burns your entire body as you blindly try and find the sunken button. Your fingers stumble across something round, and with no choice left, you surface. Trying your hardest to breathe, you look at the item in your hand as you give it to Flurrie. It's the rock you used to free the radio from the ice. The last thing you see before you lose consciousness is the timer on the ceiling ticking down.

0:05

0:04

0:03

\----------------------------------------------------

You awake in a bed, covered from head to toe in blankets. Disorientated, you look around and see sans sitting in a chair nearby. You mumble over to him.

"oh, you woke up" he responds. You ask what happened. "well after we failed the challenge, the water drained from your room instantly and we found you unconscious and chilled... to the bone, so we brought you in here to warm up. you nearly died."

"Oh," you say, but feeling better, you look around the room more, noticing a bookshelf with a lamp ontop, the chair sans is sitting on with a door nearby, and a pile of your wet, soggy clothes in the corner of the room. You take a second look at those clothes, and then at yourself under the blankets.

"wh-what? uh... sans, could you leave now and close the door?" you stutter out. sans just gets up, says "im a skeleton", winks at you, and then leaves the room, shutting the door behind.

You get out of the bed, find some clean and dry clothes, and wonder how much of your dignity was lost in the process. Hoping none, you get dressed, and leave the room.

You leave the hallway to find the others playing Truth or Dare in the lounge.

"Truth!" "Have you ever looked at a dust bunny and..." Upon noticing you, Cavin stops asking his question (although you wonder where exactly it was going), and says "Oh! You're awake!". The others also look over.

"Are you sure you should be up already?" Matthew asks, but you nod your head and insist that you're fine. "So, we lost the challenge?" you ask.

"Unfortunately we did," Matthew responds, "we needed the button from your safe to activate a music box, which we were told was the win condition."

"AFTER YOU WERE K.O'ED WE HAD NO WAY OF SUCCESS!" shouted THE ANNOUNCER

"Anyway, want to join us?" asked Ness, but you decide not to and walk into the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. You reflect on what you know, and what happened, and suddenly, more than ever, you want out of this game. This game, one which tortures it's contestants without mercy, where common sense takes a backseat, and all against your will, with other people whom you hardly know. But most importantly, you can't stop thinking about what might have happened after the last challenge ended. You rest your head on your hand as you think about the possibilities, none of them good.

You hear footsteps behind you. Turning your head, you see that it's sans, the person you least wanted to see. Sensing your unease, sans starts to speak, "Sorry, but it had to be done. Your life was in danger."

Annoyed, you stammer out "I-I hnow th-th-that! But...", however your words die in your throat. Sans continues, "I know you're embarrassed, probably wondering exactly what happened, but it's not as bad as you probably think. Nobody else was involved."

Sighing, all you can do is take another sip of your juice and accept it, "I suppose, what's done is done... hey, wait a second, Sans, when do you speak properly!?"

"when i feel like it. come on, join us for monopoly" he responds, leaving the room in a hurry. You can't help but wonder if he's hiding something, but too tired to think or protest, you take the last swig of juice, and head to the lounge to play monopoly.


	11. Sans Survives the Execution: by a Breeze

The players sat around a coffee table (an actual table this time), for a game of monopoly. As Ness reached in for the car piece, an argument suddenly broke out about who should get the car. A moment later, they remembered what happened with mouse trap, and gave the car to Sans without a fight, and then picked the rest of the tokens accordingly.

The game started off with a bang, Cavin rolling double 6's, landing on electric company, and buying it. Flurrie rolled next, got a 7 and getting advance to St. Charles from a chance card. After the purchase, Matthew rolled a 3 and a 1. With a sigh, he handed over $150 to the bank and placed his token on income tax.

"What are the odds..." he muttered to himself, as Ness replied "1 in 12" before rolling a 10. Matthew decided this wasn't the time to give a lecture on accurate probability.

The game continued for a while, but came to an abrupt end when you went to jail 3 times in a row, Flurrie landed on free parking, and THE ANNOUNCER put a hotel on boardwalk. Unanimously, everyone decides Sans is the winner, then gives up. Before they could pack up the game, however, The Host walked out of THE ANNOUNCER's hotel on boardwalk wearing a spiffy tux. Expanding to normal size, he stepped off the table and made an announcement. "Ahem, good evening players, as you know, this is the gameshow of The Mole. Thus, the time has come for your first quiz and execution. One of you players is The Mole, and the person who scores the lowest on the quiz about The Mole will be forcibly executed, that is, removed from the game. You quiz is in 1 hour, so feel free to prepare yourselves, both mind and body."

Shocked, the players quietly headed to their rooms, not sure how they would handle the quiz. As you lie in your own private bed, your thoughts race. Was The Mole really one of them? Who was it? And how do you find out who?  
You look back at the last two challenges. Ness and Flurrie seemed to not do much, and Matthew seemed pretty competent, but who knows? As your thoughts raced, you hear a knock on your door. Surprised, you open it, and Flurrie glides in.

"My my, little ol' you. If you don't mind, I have a favor to ask..." she says, continuing before you can respond, "you see, I was thinking of who that Mole was, and I don't think it's you, sweetie." Sensing her intent, you ask her if she means to pool information, and she agrees, you throw out a few theories you had, "It's so hard to say early on, but maybe Ness? He hasn't done much these past challenges, and his small demeanor could easily throw us off of him."

The two of you spend the next few minutes discussing theories, then Flurrie thanks you and leaves. Still unsatisfied, you suspect Flurrie. You spend the rest of the hour thinking about possible questions, but in the end, you only came up with three. Your door knocks, and The Host barges in. You follow him to the computer, left hand mildly trembling. The Host starts to speak.

"Hello! Welcome to the quiz. The quiz is a multiple choice quiz. The questions will be displayed one at a time and you will select the correct answer from a list of multiple choice options. You cannot go back to previous questions. The person who scores the lowest will be immediately executed. In case of a time, the person who takes longer on the quiz will be executed. Good luck." After saying his speech he walks out of the closet where he led you, locks it, turns off the lights, turns on the air conditioning, and sets the burglar alarm. You stare at the laptop in front of you, a Huawei MateBook with a 13 CPU,8th generation Intel Core, 8GB of RAM, a 13-inch 1440p screen, with 512GB SSD storage space. The screen lights up (in 640x480 resolution), and asks for your name. After typing it in, the questions start to display.

QUESTION 1:  
At the start of the game, in what order was The Mole introduced?

A) 1st  
B) 2nd  
C) 3rd  
D) 4th  
E) 5th  
F) 6th  
G) 7th  
H) 8th

Struggling to think back that far (as it was months ago), you randomly select G. As you do, a large red X appears over the screen as it fades to the next question.

QUESTION 2:  
During the first night, what bed did The Mole sleep in?

A) Left Bed  
B) Right Bed

You can't help but remember that unfortunate night experience. Flurrie was definitely on the left bed with you, snoring very loudly. As you click on A, a large green M fills the screen causing you to realize that the quiz is telling you how many questions you got correct.

QUESTION 3:  
During the game of Mouse Trap, what action did The Mole take?

A) Role a 1, a critical failure  
B) Summon the Pot of Greed  
C) Impale a dead mouse with a glass jar  
D) Role an ace of spades and get an S  
E) Draw the hanged man's left leg  
F) The Mole did not play Mouse Trap

After reading the question, you sigh. The only thing you can remember from that game was that everyone likes the color blue, and nobody knows the rules to Mouse Trap. Haven't no idea what to pick, you decide to roll something to pick for you. Lacking anything else to use, you roll your eyes and select D. After doing so, the screen flashes a yellow H on the screen. Confused, you wander if you got the question right or not.

QUESTION 4:  
During the first challenge, what item did The Mole take with them?

A) Chess board complete with chess pieces.  
B) Baseball bat  
C) Megaphone  
D) Boxing glove  
E) Mannequin  
F) Portable flamethrower  
G) Collapsible rope ladder

It doesn't take you long to remember that Flurrie took the Mannequin. You select E, and a pink polka-dotted Q fills the screen. You realize that the letters flashing randomly are just there to trick you.

QUESTION 5:  
During the second challenge, what was the major feature of the room The Mole was in?

A) Rising water  
B) An oven to cook brownies in  
C) A monkey and an industrial oil barrel

A wave of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder overcomes you. Not wanting to think about that challenge any further, you randomly select D with your eyes closed. As you open them, the final question appears.

QUESTION 6:  
Who is The Mole?

A) The Mole  
B) Matthew  
C) Cavin  
D) April  
E) You  
F) Flurrie  
E) THE ANNOUNCER  
G) The Host  
F) Captain Falcon  
I) Ness  
J) Sans  
K) Spongebob  
L) Matthew's son in law, Lawrence.

Halfway through the list, you start to get confused. Trying to 4D chess the answer, you select A and hope for the best.  
The light flicker back on, and the host confiscates the computer (after deactivating the burglar alarm). Sighing with relief, you leave the closet and walk over to the rest of the players in the lounge. Evidently, you were the last person to do the quiz. The host reenters the room and starts speaking.

"Well done on completing the quizes everyone, so shall we get started?" The room morphs into a chamber filled with 7 seats and a large flat screen TV, "Everyone, take a seat!"

"God, I'm so nervous," you say. Sans replies "im not, dont worry about it, you wont be executed," however you don't believe him. The Host starts to speak again.

"One by one I'll enter your names. If the screen turns green, you are safe. If it turns red, than you are The Mole's first victim. Anyone want to go first?" Sans raises his hand. Slowly, The Host types in Sans.

S A N S  
...  
...  
...  
...

The screen flashes green.

"Anyone else?" The Host asks, Cavin raises his hand calmly.

 

C A V I N  
...  
...  
...  
...

The screen flashes green. Cavin smiles and sits back down.

"Anyone else?" The Host asks again, but nobody volunteers. Randomly, The Host chooses you to go next.

As he slowly types in your name, one painful letter after the next, you start sweating bullets. Finally, he presses enter.

...  
...  
...  
...

You only catch a glimpse of green before you nearly collapse from relief. You aren't being executed. By the time you regain your composure, The Host is already typing in another name.

N E S S

...  
...  
...  
...

More green. The rest of the players start to tense up, fearful for their fates. The Host chooses another name.

F L U R R I E

...  
...  
...  
...

Red.  
The screen flashes red.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, Flurrie, but you are The Mole's first victim," The Host says.

"Wha? No, that can't be right now... surely ya'll've been done made a mistake!" she gasps, face full of fear.

"So, now what? Does she just get to leave and go home?" Matthew asks. The Host's face contorts into a grin brimming with malice.

"Go home? Only the winner gets to go home..." he says, "when I said the person who scores the least will be executed, I meant it in the literal sense of the word." The players, especially Flurrie, gasp. The Host continues, "Funnily enough, we didn't actually get quiz results from you, Matthew. Did you type in someone else's name?"

Matthew responds, "Oh shit! I didn't actually think that mattered! Yeah, I typed in Flurrie's name as a joke." Flurrie gasps further, "whose quiz results counted for my score!?" The host responds "Well actually, the two names were spelled differently. One with a Y, one with an IE at the end of it," (At this, you snicker at the thought of IE), "so we went with the shorter one, Flurry with a Y." Flurrie starts to scream, "THAT WASN'T ME! THAT WAS HIS RESULTS! I DIDN'T SCORE THE LOWEST!" But The Host simply smiles again and says "It's too late now, so, shall we get started?", then he goes into a monologue.

"Madame Flurrie, the wind spirit from Boggly Woods... Let's give it everything we've got, iiiiiit's PUNISHMENT TIIIME!!!"

Suddenly, a giant metal claw emerged from the ceiling and grabbed Flurrie before anyone could move. It dragged her, screaming for her life, into an isolated chamber. The wall of the chamber opened letting the rest of the players witness Flurrie from behind the bulletproof glass wall. Your face turns pale. The claw releases Flurrie into the chamber (the chamber being more like a tunnel, lit at one end, dark at the other).

Suddenly, the light at the other end of the tunnel turns on. There's a fan blade. It starts turning, slowly, slowly, creating a current. A dead leaf gets sucked towards the current, and shredded into the fanblade. Flurrie starts banging on the glass wall, tears streaming from her face.

The fan speeds up, faster, faster, faster. The suction force gets stronger and stronger. Flurrie tries to fight against the suction, but it's getting stronger. She grabs onto the wall, trying to press herself against it to generate friction. Still screaming, slowly, she scraps against the glass wall. The fan is spinning ludicrously fast now, it's beyond a blur. Flurrie tries to hold on, but the suction is stronger, stronger still, then suddenly

Intense screaming.

Flurrie couldn't hold on, the suction sucks her quickly across floor, into the fan blade, into the spinning blur of death.

You will never forget what you saw.

Flurrie gets shredded into pieces, bits of blue fluff from her body flying everywhere. The glass wall gets covered in blue liquid.

You stand there, your mouth opened in shock, face white from fear. Nobody can say a word.

It was Cavin who broke the silence.

"Wha... what but... you never said anything about actually killing..." he stammers, in complete horror. The Host responds, "You should have known better, all of you, after Captain Falcon died."

You find the courage to speak, "we.... we thought he was just a plant... someone to make the start of the game flashier..." Cavin continues for you, "I thought he was acting, faking it even... I never thought..."

"Well now you know," The Host says, "this game is deadly serious. And by the way, if anyone gets a perfect score on the quiz, The Mole gets executed instead, so don't slack off!", with that, he walked out of the room, right eye glowing red beneath his tall hat.

You look around at the rest of the players. Matthew hasn't moved an inch, Ness started to cry, Cavin still had his mouth open in shock. Even the announcer didn't type his name in full caps.

Nobody was prepared for that, but together, you had to face the start of the next episode, and the rest of this homicidal game.


	12. ßpíñ!

You slide out of the bed, reluctant to continue doing things in general. To say the previous day traumatized you would be an understatement. Nevertheless, you try to force yourself to be productive. If you don't track down who the mole is, a similar fate awaits you. So, as horrified as the idea of playing into this madman's game as you are, you have to do it anyways. You go to the bathroom and wash your teeth and attempt to wash your face. You plan to try to interrogate people, because really that's going to be your main source of information. Even if you can't trust them, especially now that they know this is serious, just hearing what they are trying to get  _you_ to believe will probably turn out to be fairly helpful. Unfortunately, it appears as if you won't have much free time this morning. The players are already being called over to start the first challenge of episode two.

 

" _ **HELLO EVERYBODY!**_ " the host screams, suddenly speaking in bold italics. " _ **This challenge is going to be a game some of you may have heard of. Does anyone here know of the game Spin the Bottle?**_ " Everyone suddenly develops a look of horror on their face, other than the announcer who carries a look of glee upon his face. You breathe in and out slowly. This is not a game you are interested in playing. However, given the alternatives, perhaps it wasn't too bad. There was a hydraulic press which appeared in that room sometime between now and when you went to sleep last night. At least, in Spin the Bottle, there is very little risk of being crushed to death. You could live with this, even if you didn't like it very much.

 

A bottle slowly materializes in the center of a circular carpet, and the host beckons you all to sit down in a circle. Ness takes the initiative to begin the game. He takes the bottle, places it on its side, and spins it around to determine who would be the first person. Cavin, You, the Announcer, Matthew, Sans, and back to Ness. Everyone watches the bottle intensely. If you had a bird's eye view, you could watch their heads move in little circles as they turned to face wherever the bottle was going. Slowly, the bottle settled on... you. 

"Fuck."

You reach down to the bottle, and close your eyes. This was going to suck. There was no one here you were interested in. You didn't want to look at the bottle. Eventually, you open your eyes as it slows down... the Announcer... Matthew... Sans. After the bottle appears to have stopped on Sans, you see it enveloped in a very faint blue glow as it continues to turn and point directly at the gap between Sans and Ness. You see Sans wink.

 

" _ **Bwaha! I see how it is! Reader, please get up and go get your date... the hydraulic press!**_ " You look up and see that the bottle is, in fact, pointing directly at the hydraulic press. Welp, looks like it is game over for you. You're going to be crushed to death.

 

* * *

 

 

You walk into into the new restaurant constructed for the mole players, dressed up fancily in the new clothes you purchased for just this occasion. You were about five minutes early. Like always, you made sure to leave plenty of time in case traffic made you late. Of course, on an island with seven people on it, this wasn't really necessary. Maybe in the future you'll cut it a little closer. Suddenly, the door to the restaurant opens. You look at the newcomer. They are large, metallic, rectangular. Beautiful.

 

"Hello!" you say. "Would you like to go grab a seat, while we wait for the meal to be ready? It was a bit of a last minute reservation."

"Sure, that seems like a good idea," replies your date. The two of you go together, hand in hand, to your table. You pick up the menu, trying to decide what drink to get. Fanta, Sprite, or Blue Sky?

"What are you getting? This is a pretty limited drink menu, and I haven't really had any of these sodas in a while. I don't really want to get anything alcoholic, gotta keep my mind sharp for the game show," you elaborate.

"I've always been partial to trying to convince the waiter to mix several drinks together. I suggest all three."

"That is really freaking weird, but why the heck not."

 

The waiter walks up. You both order a mix of all three. You cannot interpret the expression they make in response, although Sans later told you that it was approximately halfway between disgust and aheago. He refused to explain what "aheago" was supposed to mean. Eventually, the waiter returns with you and your date's Fanta-Sprite-Blue Sky mix. You take a sip.

This is the greatest drink you have ever consumed in your life. You take another sip, and savor it. You want to down the whole thing, but you remind yourself that you need to pace it. You cannot chug a glass of soda in front of your new date. You chug the glass of soda in front of your date, then holler at the waiter to get you like a gallon of it or something.

Your date seems amused. "Okay, I liked it, but it wasn't  _that_ good. It was like, an seven out of ten. Too much water though."

 

Your food arrives. You take a large whiff with your nose. It smells wonderful. You look over at the table where everyone else is eating, to see if Sans is freaking out about it being poisoned or something. He is not, so you take a bite. Not as good as the drink, but a wonderful meal to share with your wonderful hydraulic press.

"So, what's it like at your job? I haven't talked to many people in the pressing business, so I don't really have any idea what you do every day."

"It's... I don't know. It's boring. I just sort of sit there, crushing stuff. I hate it, but it pays the bills."

"Hmph. Sounds better than being in a game show of death. Not to minimize your woes or anything, that does sound like it sucks. But, god, I'm not used to having to be afraid for my life."

"I can sympathize with that, for sure. It does not sound like fun."

 

You look into the hydraulic press's eyes. You have not been able to stop thinking about how lucky you are to be able to go on a date with such a wonderful press. You want to tell them how much you are in love with them, but you can't even put it to words. You're speechless. You try to take another bite of spaghetti, and then end up doing the thing where the two of you both end up kissing because you tried to eat the same noodle at the same time.

 

* * *

 

 

"I can see what's happening," said Cavin, looking over from the other table.

"what?" asked Sans.

"And they don't have a clue..." continued Cavin.

"who?" asked Sans, still very confused.

"The reader's fallen in love, and here's the bottom line: our trio's down to two."

"Since when is there a trio?" interjected Ness, who has never heard of this team which Cavin invented approximately five seconds ago to have an excuse to ask for help with his master-plan.

"We gotta break those two up. As the matchmaker, I object to this match in particular," explained Cavin.

"what, exactly, is the problem with this match, cavin? i happen to think they make a rather cute couple."

"You CHEATED at Spin the Bottle to get them together! This is unacceptable! I need to rectify it!" said Cavin.

 

Cavin picked up a knife, and flipped it in the air a few times. He then threw it straight at the hydraulic press, with perfect precision.


	13. Dijon Mustard is banned from all 7 legislative states of Hong Kong

Because Cavin was a throwing knife expert, the knife was perfectly aimed. It flew straight at the hydraulic press and... since it's a hydraulic press, and was in the "open" state, flew completely through the press and into your neck, decapitating you. As sans looks in horror, his face slowly becomes more confused after mustard starts leaking out of your decapitated neck. Sighing, you open the top of the hydraulic press, where you were hiding this whole time, and step out. Picking up the broken parts of the robot you built shortly before the game of Spin the Bottle began, you shovel them into your hydraulic press. As you wipe up the last bit of mustard off of the seat your robot was sitting in, you glance over at Cavin and Sans who are looking at you like you just died.

To be fair, they thought for a moment that you did.

"What what what what?!!???!?!?!?!?!??" Said Cavin, questioning both his sanity and his knife throwing skills.  
"huh, interesting" replied sans. You decide to explain the situation to clarify it further in such a way as to alleviate the overall confusion related to the mystery surrounding the peculiar events which had befuddled the unknowing audience. "I built a robot to take my place during the challenge," you say.

"well thats not cool, i thought you died" said sans, not asking how you managed to build a robot. Cavin, however, did ask that question. You respond as follows: "Well actually, I uh, I didn't build it. During the last quiz, I finished early and had down time, so I ordered this thing on Ebay."

With an even bigger look of confusion on Cavin's face, the hydraulic press stands up and starts to leave the restaurant. After realizing that he's too big to fit through the door, Matthew takes off the Hydraulic Press costume, high fives you, and leaves. Meanwhile Ness is having an asthma attack from laughter, not that Ness has asthma.

As you reenter the lounge (which the restaurant was connected to), you take a look on the table. The bottle is still there. You pick it up to recycle it, but hear a strange sound from inside. Uncorking it, you tip it over and a small black triangle emerges. You have no idea what it is, so you put it in your pocket to be unmentioned and forgotten about until chapter 30. After recycling the bottle, you decide to hit the hay. It's been an exhausting day after all. After hitting the hay (and vacuuming up the bits that go flying everywhere), you go to bed.

In the morning, you get up and find a large machine in the middle of the lounge, the coffee table moved to the kitchen out of the way. Ignoring whatever nonsense the others were up to, you go to the kitchen for a cup of tea. After indulging in the caffeine, you ask Cavin what's going on, as he seemed to be the one taking charge in the event going on. He responds.

"Oh this? Well, I too ordered on E-bay last night. You gave me quite the inspiration for mustard powered machinery. Myself and Sans ordered the raw materials and Matthew helped with the calculations. Oh, and Ness is around too." At this, Ness crawls out from under the coffee table, smiles at you, then crawls back in. Starting to see what they're getting at, you ask them what the machine does. Before Cavin can answer, however, THE ANNOUNCER inturrupts: "THIS IS A TIME MACHINE!"

Before you can fully comprehend this, Cavin continues, "Oh yeah, Sans also helped with the time travel aspect of this, apparently he has a fondness for temporal physics. Who knew?"  
This piques your interest because you too, are a fan of time travel, albeit in works of fiction.  
You decide to throw your two cents in, "So, does it... work? Are we about to actual travel in time? Can we escape!?", but Matthew shuts down your line of logic, "Well not yet. It needs to be tested first, and... it's possible that the tester may die in the process." Cavin as volunteered to test it, as the person responsible for the idea."

With that, Cavin entered the time machine (which looks remarkably like an oven), closes the door, and suddenly vanishes.

Moments later, it returns, half broken, smoke seeping out of every circuit. It looks like it's been in a war zone. Matthew quickly opens the door and Cavin falls out, bruised from head to toe, covered in ash. You ask him what happened, but the only thing he can mutter is "temporal... prime... directive...", before falling unconscious.


	14. Chapter 14

"Um. Sans, you know some first aid, right?" is the only thing you can think to say after what feels like ten seconds of complete silence. "Sans!?" you yell, trying to get his attention.

"hey, what's the- oh, the time machine didn't go well, huh. well, i'll help cavin. you guys go hide the time machine or something so no one else hurts themself." You, Matthew, and Ness slowly push the time machine into a corner and then put a few leaves on top of it to disguise it as a tree. You all can easily tell it isn't a tree, but you think that's just because you already know it's a time machine.

THE ANNOUNCER walks in and asks, "HELLO EVERYBODY. IS THAT A TIME MACHINE RIGHT THERE?"

"nope. that's a tree," Sans says, winking.

 

A few hours later, Cavin seems to be back up and alive, although he still needed some rest. Unfortunately, the host seemed to think this was a perfect time to announce a new challenge. He gathered everyone into the auditorium and then began the explanation. "This challenge is going to be a competition between two teams. Please divide yourselves up based on how good you believe you are at bear taming. 


	15. The Stain is a Lie

"Bear taming!?" You shout, worried about your own safety. This game had a habit of putting the lives of the contestants second priority, and you don't want to be the next victim.  
"Wha...? Bear taming? That wasn't on..." slurred Cavin, still recovering. Before he could finish, however, he was sprayed in the face with water by the host using a spray bottle. The host continued:  
"I don't believe I stuttered. Yes, divide yourselves into groups based on how good you believe you are at bear taming. One groups will have to survive against a hoard of deadly bears, whereas the other group will have to survive against a hoard of deadly bear," he said.

"You just said the same thing twice!" shouted Ness, but was interrupted by the sound of Matthew laughing. Thinking he'd gone insane, you hand him an iron bucket, but he just shrugs and passes it off to Cavin before explaining how he actually has a college degree in bear taming. All of a sudden, a mass panic debate ensued over who would join Matthew's team. Eventually, the teams were decided to be everyone except sans, and sans.

"Well then, is everyone satisfied with the groups?" The Host asks, and you nod in approval.

Then everything went dark.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Man, it's a good thing I brought these night vision goggles," announces Cavin, able to see despite the lights being turned off. Everyone started shouting over each other.  
"I can't see anything!" shouts Ness  
"Where did you even get night vision goggles?" asks Matthew  
"hey, that tickles" says sans  
"So where even is everyone?" you ask, voice shaking  
"What the... this is.. NOOOOO!" screams a voice, but you don't recognize it

Very unsuddenly, the lights come back on. You look around. The auditorium you were in was no longer an auditorium. That is to say that the location in which you currently bared presence within was no longer something which could be described as an auditorium, rather than that the aforementioned venue had been transformed in such a way as to be the same spacial area but which that can no longer be called an auditorium by definition.  
Basically, you were in some sort of arena.

"Hey," called out Cavin, still wearing the night vision goggles, "stop monologueing like that to boost the word count :P "

How Cavin spoke an emoji, you weren't entirely certain, but before you could dwell on it any further, something much more pressing caught your eye. Before you could do anything, the hydraulic press started moving. Shortly thereafter, the hydraulic press costume was completely removed and lay in a pile. In place of it stood a man, mid 60's, long beard, white sunglasses, and cackling "nyehehehe!".

You decide to take the first strike. You mistime the action command, however, and only do one damage, so instead of run away and ask who he was.

He responds, "Oh me? Nyehehe, you see. The name is Lee! Old man of the sea, was we. Struck a tree, skinned my knee, dropped the key. Stolen by he, they cackled with glee, fined me a fee, now here I be."

You don't really know how to respond to this. However, before you can think of something to say, a mechanical black bear dropped from the ceiling, landed on Lee, and dragged him away into a dark den off of the arena, all the while Lee screaming bloody murder. To be fair, that's probably what happened when the bear entered the den, but you looked away before it got that far.

The Host's voice could be heard over the PA system, "Welcome to the bear taming event! That was just an example of how deadly these bears are. If all of you can survive for the next 30 minutes, then you'll earn 2000 euros for the team pot. Good luck." With that, the den reopened and a horde of 6 of the bears came rushing out, one of them covered in blood. Everyone started screaming.

"MATTHEW WHAT DO WE DO NOW!?" You scream.

"I DONT KNOW! DID YOU REALLY THINK THEY GIVE COLLEGE COURSES ON BEAR TAMING!?" He responded.

"WHY DID YOU LIE TO US!?" Shouts Cavin, still wearing the goggles.

"If they don't eat us, then we'll be ok!" shouts? the announcer.

"DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS!?" Screams Cavin, as the bear get closer and closer.

"AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO CLIMB A TREE OR SOMETHING!?" You shout, trying to recall your boy scout training.

"NO! That's wrong!" says Matthew, trying to speak calmly, "Just back away slowly, right?"

"BUT BACK AWAY WHERE!?" You look around, but there doesn't seem to be any place to escape. The bears are almost upon you.

"I don't think that works for mechanical bears!" Shouts Cavin, throat going hoarse. Out of desperation, he throws the iron bucket he was still holding at the closest bear. It hits it on the head and bounces away with a dull clang. The bear roars in disagreement. While it roars, Cavin throws his night vision goggles into it's mouth. Intense snapping and breaking sounds are heard from inside the bear as it collapses and stops moving.

"JUST FIVE MORE TO GO! OH YEAH!" Shouts THE ANNOUNCER, confidence instilled. The remaining 5 bears start charging at all of you.

"NOW WHAT!? I'M OUT OF BUCKETS!" Screams Cavin. You look around for anything that can be used as a weapon, but see nothing. You bow your head and brace yourself, but suddenly you feel your hair standing on end.

"P... K... THUNDER!!!!!!!!!" Shouts a voice and then your world goes white. When you regain your vision, you rub your eyes a bit and then notice that all the bears are smoking and aren't moving. The smell of burnt metal fills your nostrils.

"What the hell was that?" Asks Matthew, completely confused. You also look around, shocked (literally). You hear panting and Cavin explains "Oh! NESS!" and rushes over to the boy's side. Ness is on the ground, covered in sweat, gasping for breath. "I... I did it..." he whispers, before collapsing.

"What the hell happened to him!?" Matthew asks. Cavin explains, "He's a magician or something, i dunno. He destroyed the bears with a powerful electrical shock. He saved us... but..." Cavin closes his eyes, voice wavering at the end. Trying to not cry, he sits down, back against the arena wall. You all share a moment of silence.

"You do realize he isn't dead," says Matthew, breaking the silence. He stands up beside Ness, having taken his pulse. You feel significantly better knowing this. Cavin, however, continues to shed tears, reponding merely with a "not yet". Questioning his morbidity aside, you start looking for a way out of the arena, however one of the bears starts to rustle slightly. You heart skips a beat, but then The Host crawls out of one of the bears mouth.

"Congratulations!" he says, "It hasn't been 30 minutes, but you tamed the bears so I guess that counts. 2000 euros have been earned for the team pot, bringing it to grand total of about 3000 Canadian dollars"

With that, you made your way to back to the place where you were all staying via some unknown method that Cavin was too lazy too elaborate upon. When you all arrived, you saw sans there, waiting for you.

"Sans! You're alive! But how did you survive?" you ask.

He responds, "im a skeleton, i played dead"


End file.
